he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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