I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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