At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
