Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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