I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
