Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
