would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
