I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
