If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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