That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am midnight drunk by noon
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
