im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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