Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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