Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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