I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
