saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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