I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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