The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
