I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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