My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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