I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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