a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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