u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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