We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
