If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
