Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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