remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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