was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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