Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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