I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
