He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
