I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
