Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
