James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize