is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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