Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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