i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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