that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
