my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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