he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
