It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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