Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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