i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
