i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
