worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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