im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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