I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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