he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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