I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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