He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
