never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
