why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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