He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
