I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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