my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
