I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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