So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
