I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry