I think I just saw someone hide a body.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
