Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
