Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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