your thong is hanging out like whoa
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
