My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's like iHOP with fire
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
