we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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