Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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