So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
