Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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