the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
