My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
