she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
