You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
