it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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