why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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