I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
