I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
