dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.