If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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