He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
