You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
