He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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