I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
are you so shy because you have an std?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
