Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
