The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dear god my vagina.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
