I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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