Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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