At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You need Xanax blowdarts
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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