You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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