When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
