it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
