So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
